Pejam celik, pejam celik..dah hampir 2 tahun dah aku kat UTP nie. Patutnye by the end of this semester, july..I have to submit my final thesis so that I can prepare for my viva..but you who know me, know me laa...aku nie kan suke main-main..hahahaha..jadi tak sempat habis.. Eh, bukan lah...master by research nie yang susahnye dier tak macam by coursework..hahaha.. Master by coursework kite kene g kelas, jawab test, wat assignment and jawab final exam dah setel..and also a part of final project kan.. BUT, mater by research nie, kalau macam course aku nie y ade kaitan ngan bahan kimia and kene gune equipment, it might be a big problem when your chemical not arrive on time. Klu chemical dah ade, baru bleh wat experiment..dah wat experiment kene wat testing lak tengok experiment kite tu tak berjaye..kat sini mulelah keje2 equipment y kite dah senaraikan tadi..bile time nak wat testing, equipment lak boleh down setelah beberape hari kite booking nak gune sebelum tu..tak ke down kite time tu..klu sekali due takpe beb..tapi dah beberape kalii if kite tak de support and positive attitude around us, kite pn akan putus ase beb..so, aku nak give my very deep thank you to my parents..mama, abah, detam and my sisters..and also my loving and caring other half of me..they are my best moral support..thank you..and I promise to bring back my master degree scroll to them..Insyaallah.. Selain dari itu..my thank you to my friends in UTP too...Huda Z and Nona who are always with me in the lab..tak luppe gak Mc Sha, Noi, Eda and Huda Y..and lastly Hafiz..the only male from UTM that I know here...haha.. So, for those who don't know wat is master by research all about, you better know it before hand..and if your mind is not really ready to continue your study..just put it on hold and make yourself ready first..that is my piece of advice..thats all for this time...tudelu....adios...berjumpa kita di lain entri...salam sejahtera..salam hormat my blog readers...
Thursday, June 24, 2010
of being far away
How would you feel if the other half of you is not near to you? Though you are not married yet, you still want to be closed to each other right? Ape y aku merepek daa...haha..saje je merepek jap and nak membersihkan sawang-sawang dalam blog aku nie...mungkinkah ade kebahgiaan dalam perpisahan? hahaha.....
Friday, May 21, 2010
Cinta Itu Anugerah
Salam..dari sebuah website yang aku lawati, aku telah membaca kisah ini..dan ianya telah membuatkan kaca-kaca dimataku berderai ke bumi..hahaha..jiwang karat jap.. Actually I like to read this type of story cause it will be my guidance to enter my future life..haha.. ENJOYSSS!!!
“ Suami saya adalah seorang jurutera. Saya mencintai sifatnya yang semulajadi dan saya menyukai perasaan hangat yang muncul di hati saya ketika bersandar di bahunya. ”
3 tahun dalam masa perkenalan dan 2 tahun dalam masa pernikahan, saya harus akui bahawa saya mulai letih...lelah. Alasan-alasan saya mencintainya dulu telah berubah menjadi sesuatu yang menjemukan.
Saya seorang wanita yang sentimental dan benar-benar sensitif serta berperasaan halus. Saya merindui saat-saat romantis seperti seorang anak kecil yang sentiasa mengharapkan belaian ayah dan ibunya. Tetapi semua itu tidak pernah saya perolehi. Suami saya jauh berbeza dari yang saya harapkan. Rasa sensitifnya kurang. Dan ketidakmampuannya dalam menciptakan suasana romantik dalam perkahwinan kami telah mematahkan semua harapan saya terhadap cinta yang ideal.
Suatu hari, saya beranikan diri untuk mengatakan keputusan saya kepadanya. Bahawa saya inginkan perceraian.
“ Mengapa?” Dia bertanya dengan nada terkejut. “ Siti letih. Abang tidak pernah cuba memberikan cinta yang saya inginkan. ” Dia diam dan termenung sepanjang malam di depan komputernya, Nampak seolah-olah sedang mengerjakan sesuatu, padahal tidak.
Kekecewaan saya semakin bertambah. Seorang lelaki yang tidak dapat mengekspresikan peraasannya, apalagi yang boleh saya harapkan daripadanya? Dan akhirnya dia bertanya. “ Apa yang boleh abang lakukan untuk mengubah fikiran Siti? ”. Saya merenung matanya dalam-dalam dan menjawab dengan perlahan.
“ Siti ada 1 soalan. Kalau abang temui jawapannya di dalam hati Siti, akan Siti ubah fikiran Siti. Seandainya Siti menyukai sekuntum bunga cantik yang ada di tebing gunung dan kita berdua tahu jika abang memanjat gunung-gunung itu, abang akan mati. Apakah yang abang akan lakukan untuk Siti? ”
Dia termenung dan akhirnya berkata. “ Abang akan memberikan jawapannya esok ”. Hati saya terus gundah mendengar responnya itu. Keesokan paginya, dia tidak ada di rumah, dan saya menemui selembar kertas dengan coretan tangannya di bawah segelas susu hangat yang bertuliskan..
“ Sayangku, abang tidak akan mengambil bunga itu untukmu. Tetapi izinkan abang untuk menjelaskan alasannya. ” Kalimah pertama itu menghancurkan hati saya. Namun, saya masih terus ingin membacanya.
“ Siti boleh mengetik di komputer abang dan akhirnya menangis di depan monitor. Abang harus memberikan jari-jari abang supaya boleh membantu Siti untuk memperbaiki program tersebut. ”
“ Siti selalu lupa membawa kunci rumah ketika Siti keluar, dan abang harus memberikan kaki abang supaya boleh menendang pintu untuk Siti ketika pulang ” .
“ Siti suka jalan-jalan di shopping complex tetapi selalu tersasar dan ada ketikanya sesat di tempat-tempat baru yang Siti kunjungi. Abang harus mencari Siti dari 1 lot kedai ke 1 lot kedai yang lain mencarimu dan membawa Siti pulang ke rumah. ”
“ Siti selalu sengal-sengal badan sewaktu teman baik Siti datang setiap bulan, dan abang harus memberikan tangan abang untuk memicit dan mengurut kaki Siti yang sengal itu. ”
“ Siti lebih suka duduk di rumah, dan abang selalu risau Siti akan jadi pelik, dan abang harus membelikan sesuatu yang dapat menghiburkan Siti di rumah atau meminjamkan lidah abang untuk menceritakan hal-hal kelakar yang abang alami. ”
“ Siti selalu menatap komputer, membaca buku, dan itu tidak baik untuk kesihatan mata Siti. Abang harus menjaga mata abang agar ketika kita tua nanti, abang dapat menolong mengguntingkan kukumu dan memandikanmu. ”
“ Tangan abang akan memegang tangan Siti, membimbing menelusuri pantai, menikmati matahari pagi dan pasir yang indah. Menceritakan warna-warna bunga yang bersinar dan indah seperti cantiknya wajahmu. ”
“ Tetapi sayangku, abang tidak akan mengambil bunga itu untuk mati. Kerana, abang tidak sanggup melihat air matamu mengalir menangisi kematian abang. ”
“ Sayangku, abang tahu, ada ramai orang yang boleh mencintaimu lebih daripada abang mencintai Siti. ”
“ Untuk itu sayang, jika semua yang telah diberikan oleh tangan, kaki, mata abang tidak cukup bagi Siti, abang tidak akan menahan Siti mencari tangan, kaki dan mata lain yang dapat membahagiakan Siti. ”
Air mata saya jatuh ke atas tulisannya dan membuatkan tintanya kabur, tetapi saya tetap berusaha untuk terus membacanya lagi.
“ Dan sekarang, Siti telah selesai membaca jawapan abang. Jika Siti puas hati dengan semua jawapan ini, dan tetap inginkan abang tinggal di rumah ini, tolong bukakan pintu rumah kita. Abang sekarang sedang berdiri di luar sana menunggu jawapan Siti. ”
“ Tetapi jika Siti tidak puas hati, sayangku..biarkan abang masuk untuk mengemaskan barang-barang abang, dan abang tidak akan menyulitkan hidupmu. Percayalah, bahagia abang bila Siti bahagia. ” Saya terpegun. Segera saya memandang pintu yang terkatup rapat. Lalu saya segera berlari membukakan pintu dan melihatnya berdiri di depan pintu dengan wajah gusar sambil memegang susu dan roti kesukaan saya.
Oh, kini saya tahu. Tidak ada orang yang pernah mencintai saya lebih dari dia mencintai saya.
“ Itulah cinta. Di saat kita merasa cinta itu telah beransur-ansur hilang dari hati kita kerana kita merasa dia tidak dapat memberikan cinta dalam *kewujudan yang kita inginkan, maka cinta itu telah hadir dalam * kewujudan yang tidak pernah kita bayangkan senbelum ini. ”
“ Jika kejahatan dibalas dengan kejahatan-itu adalah dendam. Jika kebaikan dibalas dengan kebaikan-itulah tanda ketinggian budi. Jika kebaikan dibalas dengan kejahatan-itu adalah kezaliman. Tetapi jika kejahatan dibalas dengan kebaikan-itulah buktinya pekerti mulia lagi terpuji. ”
“ Sungguh sedikit manusia yang memahami. Lebih sedikit manusia yang memahami dan mengamalkan. Lebih sedikit lagi manusia yang telah memahami, mengamalkan dan ikhlas. Terlebih sedikit lagi manusia yang telah memahami, mengamalkan dan ikhlas serta sampai ke tujuan. ”
Friday, May 14, 2010
dah lame tak menulis..
Salam..coretan ini ku bawakan buat tatapan semua kerana aku dah lame tak menulis dalam blog ku ini..dah lama ku tinggalkan ia.. Maklumlah, sekarang nie buzy sket. Aku tengah mengejar eksperimen-eksperimen yang nak disiapkan by the end of july. That is my target..i have told my family and supervisor about this..after finishing my experimental works, then i can focus on my thesis writing..and at the same time find job or might be at that time I am working..who knows..but ini sume perancangan kite jer..segalenye ditentukan oleh Dia yang maha besar...semoga Dia terus melimpahkan rahmatnye kepada ku dan mereka y seperjuangan dengan ku.. Kepada sahabat-sahabatku di sini; Nona, Eda, Huda Y, Huda Z, Mc Sha, Noi and last but not least our only male UTM friend Hafiz..somege kalian juge berjaye mencapai ape y telah kite perjuangkan beberape semester ini..gud luck everyone..tak tau nak cakap cam ne. Tapi perit jerih ini perlu ditamatkan agar ianye tak membelenggu kite salamenye..Chaiyok2 everyone..gambateh! wassalam..
Friday, April 30, 2010
sad story
SALAM.. My entry today was from the message I get from my friend..though it was a sad story but yet it gives big impact in our life..so, do read it and take it as some guide in our life. Do appreciate people in our life coz we never know when, where and how they are going to left us..huhu...it is also as reminder for me.. To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
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